Archive for the ‘feeling’ Category

So here I am, alone sitting in the deli’s corner in Menteng Central, mining my own business, which is really, and essentially consist of my diet coke, and sandwich.

In a sense, it’s  a heaven, a run away time, where I can do my own things, thinking only my own being and care nothing of the world and the works around it. And quite frankly, I rarely found my self alone, at least lately.

Usually, when I ‘m not hanging out (or spending quality time) with my girl, I’m always in a company of my mates, and doing nothing useful in particular, like taking a swing in the driving range, chatted on the coffee shop or walking around the mall aimlessly.

But situation changed, and I with some of us caught or occupied in the busy world of trying to make a living, I found my self quite lonely in so many occasion, which suffice to say, its neither fun nor enjoyable.

So here I am, again, alone, typing this sort of grumble, while flashing off my new MacBook Air.

If there is any consolation, well at least my sandwich is crisps and my coke is ice cold.

About a week ago, one of my most adorable friend, appeared to show her contempt on love. Now, me being coward, didn’t have much guts, to ask her what happened.

There are many way someone or even your self can hurt your feeling. Albeit through love, work and even just ordinary life. And when things got worse, you’ll be glad if you have someone who can listen to you, share your sadness, and eventually cheers you up. But it just unfortunate that such privilege doesn’t come everyday, nor to everyone. There are those of you, who are lonely, can’t share a thing. Or even if you do have someone, sometimes you just want to be left alone.

Well, admittedly, after more than eight years in the same relationship, I’m not much an expert in heart break business. And while I considered my self as better than average man in understanding women, I admit that I have much to learn in terms of soothing my own feeling.

But as you guess my friend 8 years is along time, enough for several hills and peaks, ups and downs and wide range of emotionally exhaustive incidents, which made me wonder, what the hell am I doing now ? So, it is unavoidable that during this reign of love, I collect, sampled and analyze list of things that can make me feels slightly better. Off course, things that worked for me may not be necessarily worked for you, nonetheless . Here’s my pick (Booze and dope excluded due to their obvious impact

1. Listen to loud music. This works particularly if you are in heartbreak mode. Listening to music, the mellow one made you realize that you’re not alone, and that there is someone, who’s just experienced the same thing like you, waiting to be cherished and loved.

2. Watching movie. Working well for most situations, it works pretty muck like a dope, or booze, helps you to forget things. Try to pick something light such as Ben Stiller’s, Adam Sandler’s or Tom Cruise’s. Or something motivating, like Shawsank Redemption and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. But if you need to satisfy your ego, and feeling a little bit suicidal, Godfather is really accommodating.

3. Sports. My personal pick, especially if I have difficulty in sleeping. Walking 8-9 kilos will definitely worn you out. And by the time you get finished, you’re just too tired to think and you can sleep like a baby. The only drawback, if your fitness is below standard, there is a good chance that your muscles will hurts like hell.

4. Playing PC Games. It works pretty much like number two, with difference being this activity make your mind pretty active, so that you spare no space for other things. It’s very time consuming, and when you are too tired to keep going, you might back to your sadness again.

5. Playing music. My old time fave. Here’s the reasoning, when you’re sad, you want to share your feeling, but sometimes no one available to listen to you, you can turn to music instruments. This loyal piece of work should available anytime to hear your pain. I personally prefer to play my old violin, and playing the most sad and gloomy tone possible, driven my self contempt nuts. One more thing with playing music, is that you can share your sadness to people around you, who overheard your music, without them being burdened by your pathetic story – though you can still burden them with false tone if you are sucks.

6. Writing. Based on my own personal experience, I realized that I was most productive when I was feeling bad about something. But off course this is not for everyone. I for one, are very lucky to be blessed with the talent but not everyone does.

7. Read a book. There are millions, millions and million book out there that wait to be discovered and read. I prefer reading my old collection of Hornblower series, Grisham’s and Sparks. But any reading material (excepting college text book) are just as good. And while I’m not a big fans of religious reading, it help you motivate your self, and acknowledging that God, heaven, and hell do exist. If you think no book can help you, buy a new one, or an old one, get your self to the used book markets, pick one randomly, and bring it home.

All in all I have to admit that, despite all these, the best medicine is of course time. What about you, what is the best medicine for your heart break ?

It’s mind bogling. The fact that I can’t write in straight lines, but still insist to acquired $26 worth of plain note for my new hobby.

If I can think any particular reasons is this, I found that writing on an open space such as this plain note is liberating at the very least and utterly satisfying.

Whilst I still occasionally checked my line, I realized that the lack of confinement in my media, means also lack of limitation on my mind, my factory of words.

And as I will ultimately forced my self to learn to write straight, my penmanship will also improves. It may not be an instant think, it may take months, probably even years.

One think that I know for certain is this, if I wait, the idea that currently bristling around my head may not stays long.

Today is the second day I owned this book, and I have spend the the first 12 pages , in just several days.

The day is still young, and as I slowly open my eyes I can feel the stream of light passing through my eye lid, forcing my sense to react adjusting my nerves and its sensors to the changes.

Today is Sunday. Through the window of my high rise apartment. I can hear the day lived in the run. The low sound of auto engine, and occasional voices of people, and light chirp of a small bird resting at the edge of my apartment.

I laid down in my bed cosily enclosed in the soft goose feathered quilt, warn and protecting. The room air conditioner brimming slowly, humming the small cracked sound that sounds all to familiar.

 As as I affectionately hug the double bolsters that lie beside me. I found the enormous comfort, the feeling of total idyllic and laziness, as if there are no Monday nor other working days.

Today is Sunday, and I’m feeling good.

1. A Moleskine notebook $26
2. A Parker fountain pen $9
3. A glass of cold Greensands with four cubes of ice $0.3
4. Dim yellow light from the $30 worth of corner lamp bought from Pasar Kenari
5. Pringles – Sour Cream & Onion from Hero $1.5
6. Super full stomach, filled with Spicy Tomato Fettucini Aglio Olio – Home $priceless
7. Seven, no less worth of lovely hours spend with by beloved baby