Posts Tagged ‘emotion’

So here I am, alone sitting in the deli’s corner in Menteng Central, mining my own business, which is really, and essentially consist of my diet coke, and sandwich.

In a sense, it’s  a heaven, a run away time, where I can do my own things, thinking only my own being and care nothing of the world and the works around it. And quite frankly, I rarely found my self alone, at least lately.

Usually, when I ‘m not hanging out (or spending quality time) with my girl, I’m always in a company of my mates, and doing nothing useful in particular, like taking a swing in the driving range, chatted on the coffee shop or walking around the mall aimlessly.

But situation changed, and I with some of us caught or occupied in the busy world of trying to make a living, I found my self quite lonely in so many occasion, which suffice to say, its neither fun nor enjoyable.

So here I am, again, alone, typing this sort of grumble, while flashing off my new MacBook Air.

If there is any consolation, well at least my sandwich is crisps and my coke is ice cold.

So, after more than eight months of vacuum, idyllic and absence mind, I am now returning. Not so much with a bang nor any expedited brouhaha, but with simple proclamation that my eight vacuum months, brought out some changes. Some of these changes also the reason why I’m not writing as much as it used too.

Straight to the point these are whats new and whats not

Whats Not

• Job -No surprise here, still work in the same company, still reporting to the same boss, and still doing the same thing (roughly) as I did 8 months ago. Very minor changes though, is that I am trusted with promotion on May, and with that comes bigger responsibility (and paycheck too
• Apartment – Yupppp, still standing tall and proud. I’m still living on the 27th floor on my downtown apartment, overlooking South Jakarta, still sleeping with open curtain so that I can see the city light and occasional star gazing. Again minor additional to the member of my apartment appliances is a new portable stove and boiling pan for some fun sukiyaki time !!!
• Girlfriend - Really not much to tell here.

Whats New

• Car – You got it right my friend, you got it right. I got rid of my 7 years old Vios ad with with the new Chevy Cruze in Black. Bigger car, bigger power, and just pure handsomeness on hands. Two months, and 3000km later, a new top speed record of 200km/h and two small dents on the hood and side body.
• PS3 -This is actually reason why I abandon my creative pursuit and in the 8 months. The result of much idyllic time during one of my annual leave, the console now occupied much of my free hours. But lets be honest, aside from suppressing my creative mind and wasting some of time, the console visual is feast for human sight. Also I think it provides some sort of release on my gf occasional harmful tendencies towards me ( She kicked my ass on Tekken6 9:1)
• iPad – My very first Apple product, enough said.

A lot of things is currently lining up, so I will have more to tell, when this things comes up into play in the next couple of weeks or so. Cheers.

Yesterday was my birthday.  And like any of my previous birthdays, it was full with greetings and wishes from my beloved family, dear friends and colleagues.

Like any other birthday, it was also full of festive occasions, lunch out with team mates, and dinner with best friends. There were also some surprises from my girlfriend and friends along the day.

But what surprise me the most, are the gifts that I received yesterday.

It’s all started by one phone call in late morning, right at the peak moment at the end of the year drowsiness. The voice on the call introduced her self as an admin from Ace Hardware, enquiring whether I’ll be home to receive the delivery. Pretty much clueless, on what was happening I asked, what delivery that she talked about. She explained that she has in her possession an oven toaster and a gift wrap, to which I responded, “I’m not ordering something from Ace, could there be some mistakes ?”

“No sir,” she said,” this is exactly delivery for you, as ordered by…” and behold, my girl friend act with her usual wit, has bought me, a dream machine that will superbly complement my apartment, an oven toaster. Needless  to explain, those of you who familiar with kitchen and cooking, will know how an oven can make your life easier and healthier, imagine of cooking French fries without oil ? Just spread it evenly on the pan, and toast it !!! It will be ready in 10mins.

Now the next gift, would have rather long story.

As many of my friends already know, and complains to me about it, I am one of those person who resent Blackberry,  don’t even start to ask why ? Because then you will incite a thesis long explanation on why I resent BB. Anyway, because of this resentment, and knowing that all my friends have been complaining in many occasion on my attitude towards BB, I have no doubt that, they will buy me one for my birthday (knowing for sure that there is no chance I will buy it myself).

So when they handled a box, reasonably heavy and beautifully wrap, I kind of said to my self, this is it, my penultimate end of blackberry resentment, because, no matter how I hate the stuff, there is no way, not even a single way, that I will disrespect a gift that my dearest friends have given me. And whilst slowly dismantled the wrappings, layer by layer, I imagined how my days going to be with a BB in my pocket, texting, and browsing, without the slightest care with the real worlds that surrounds you. Slowly, but surely, at those minutes, I fell into state of acceptance, that I will join the club of virtual autism, that have walked the earth for the last one year.

Alas, I could never been more wrong then that. As the box opened, and the plastic unwrapped, I carefully laid my hand on the soft, beautiful, smooth black colored fabric, a super 150 wool suit, that so soft, it felt almost like a silk. A fabric so perfect and so proper to be turned into a black suit or dinner jacket that I have in mind for my beloved cousin wedding next April.

I couldn’t help by wonder, at that time, out of everything in this world that could be turned and wrapped as a gift, my friends have pick for me a beautiful clothes that I can turn into a suit, almost like knowing for sure that I would deeply, deeply, appreciate and love it. And they were right. This piece of clothes, are the best gift I have ever received from them. It was very thoughtful, considerate and sincere, that I couldn’t wish for better gifts that night.

They could be selfish. I mean if my prophecy turned out to be correct, and they did get me a BB for my present, I will still be happy and they will be happy too, because then they can have me in their BBM anytime. But such selfishness is non existence in our friendship, as they have proved. Instead they gave me, something that I have never thought, never expected, never asked, and yet I very much valued, appreciated, loved and cared for. Fair to say, it was one of the best gift from the best of friends ever.

This makes me think, maybe, just maybe, if I have to swallow my own spit and get my self a BB like they wants me to do for almost a year now, it will be for the most right and unselfish reason.

One of my bad (or good, depends on your perspective) habit, is to give random kiss, unplanned surprised kiss on my girl friend’s hand, especially her palm and upper fingers.

So one day, when she sat next to me, in my car, driving for our usual weekend lunch, I swiftly hold her hand and bring them to my lips for quick endearing light kiss that I used to gave. What I saw that day, makes me scream a little and spontaneously yelled, ” Babe…what the hell is happening on your finger ?”

The reason for that untimely jolt was her usual porcelain clean nails were turning into mischievous face of little grinning frog (I’m not even 100% sure that there were frogs).

Little smiling frogs, or birds, or penguin on my girl's fingers. Heck, I'm not even sure.

Now, I could understand if she paint her nail to some other monotone colors that might suit her feeling or preference of the day. Red if you feeling on fire, blue if you feeling creative, or yellow if you want to splash some cheers and fun to others. But I’m not sure what kind of emotion that is represented by mischievously grinning frogs.

Its sure make her fingers funnier, but I’m thoroughly uncertain on what these little frogs contributed on adding value to her beauty or cuteness.

Girls out there…help me to understand.

About a week ago, one of my most adorable friend, appeared to show her contempt on love. Now, me being coward, didn’t have much guts, to ask her what happened.

There are many way someone or even your self can hurt your feeling. Albeit through love, work and even just ordinary life. And when things got worse, you’ll be glad if you have someone who can listen to you, share your sadness, and eventually cheers you up. But it just unfortunate that such privilege doesn’t come everyday, nor to everyone. There are those of you, who are lonely, can’t share a thing. Or even if you do have someone, sometimes you just want to be left alone.

Well, admittedly, after more than eight years in the same relationship, I’m not much an expert in heart break business. And while I considered my self as better than average man in understanding women, I admit that I have much to learn in terms of soothing my own feeling.

But as you guess my friend 8 years is along time, enough for several hills and peaks, ups and downs and wide range of emotionally exhaustive incidents, which made me wonder, what the hell am I doing now ? So, it is unavoidable that during this reign of love, I collect, sampled and analyze list of things that can make me feels slightly better. Off course, things that worked for me may not be necessarily worked for you, nonetheless . Here’s my pick (Booze and dope excluded due to their obvious impact

1. Listen to loud music. This works particularly if you are in heartbreak mode. Listening to music, the mellow one made you realize that you’re not alone, and that there is someone, who’s just experienced the same thing like you, waiting to be cherished and loved.

2. Watching movie. Working well for most situations, it works pretty muck like a dope, or booze, helps you to forget things. Try to pick something light such as Ben Stiller’s, Adam Sandler’s or Tom Cruise’s. Or something motivating, like Shawsank Redemption and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. But if you need to satisfy your ego, and feeling a little bit suicidal, Godfather is really accommodating.

3. Sports. My personal pick, especially if I have difficulty in sleeping. Walking 8-9 kilos will definitely worn you out. And by the time you get finished, you’re just too tired to think and you can sleep like a baby. The only drawback, if your fitness is below standard, there is a good chance that your muscles will hurts like hell.

4. Playing PC Games. It works pretty much like number two, with difference being this activity make your mind pretty active, so that you spare no space for other things. It’s very time consuming, and when you are too tired to keep going, you might back to your sadness again.

5. Playing music. My old time fave. Here’s the reasoning, when you’re sad, you want to share your feeling, but sometimes no one available to listen to you, you can turn to music instruments. This loyal piece of work should available anytime to hear your pain. I personally prefer to play my old violin, and playing the most sad and gloomy tone possible, driven my self contempt nuts. One more thing with playing music, is that you can share your sadness to people around you, who overheard your music, without them being burdened by your pathetic story – though you can still burden them with false tone if you are sucks.

6. Writing. Based on my own personal experience, I realized that I was most productive when I was feeling bad about something. But off course this is not for everyone. I for one, are very lucky to be blessed with the talent but not everyone does.

7. Read a book. There are millions, millions and million book out there that wait to be discovered and read. I prefer reading my old collection of Hornblower series, Grisham’s and Sparks. But any reading material (excepting college text book) are just as good. And while I’m not a big fans of religious reading, it help you motivate your self, and acknowledging that God, heaven, and hell do exist. If you think no book can help you, buy a new one, or an old one, get your self to the used book markets, pick one randomly, and bring it home.

All in all I have to admit that, despite all these, the best medicine is of course time. What about you, what is the best medicine for your heart break ?